YTuesday, December 27, 2005
SO..the shadows of the past will besiege the looker and the attempted wiser on the beauty of the lessons of the past. but yet the beauty was not the lessons but the regret that the wiser has suffered and the fear that will constantly amputate him.
why does such oxymorons exists? "the beautiful death", "sinless sin"..
these are the clear contradictions of life itself. the words that has been conjoined to contradict the other to make an impact of sorts.
so..what's that for again?heh.
the hurt and the remnants of the past will never be able to make this world a better place for the wiser. For the wiser is even more careful and more cautious than he had ever been before.
being too keen to run away from the past just to know that its not gona stop daunting him.
so he continues hiding and putting up a facade in solace of his children. hoping and wishing that his traits wun be passed down to them, only to find out that it is already in them.
he continuously, tell them wat he dun like..[when those are the things that he's AFRAID of]
they try hard to understand and reap him of his wishes. only to know that it is NOT the kind of life that they want to lead. the paranoia and the eccentricty of himself affects the capabilities of his child and despite the realisation, he still continues to carry on his method of parenting.
to his despair, one of his child chose to stray..far..far..away from him.
knowing that she can prove to him that his past will remain a past in his past life.
knowing that it wun get to anyone of his children..trying to tell him that its different now.
it's better now dad- trust me.
so she suffered in silence but still determined to prove to him her capabilities and her beliefs.
he chose to completely neglect her..completely make her invisible to his eyes.
and in hope to hurt her and make her come back to him..only to find out that its not gona happen..so the wiser kept tellin his other kids NOT to be like her..for they'd suffer..
but look at the black sheep now..isnt she soaring..isnt she trying?
isnt she NOT like you? isnt she NOT a hypocrite like you? isnt she unlike you?
u are her imperious motivator and she's where she is now..
the ONE child whom u keep bragging about..
the ONE child whom u wun stop telling people about..
the ONE child whom u still choose to disdain.
the looker just keeps looking..not doin anything..despite sensing the hurt
and the wiser choose to still be right and will never mend his ways.
and the black sheep keep suffering his "hitler" treatment in silence.
and the only strength that she could hold on to is her faith.
her faith in Allah and His presence each time she 'bows in worship' to Him.
telling herself constantly that there are always others doing worst..
that He will always guide her through the waves and take her up to where she belongs..
the hurt, the torture and the torments caused by the wiser and the looker will never change the fact that he's her dad and she's her mum..
Mum..Dad..i want you to know that i love you..
and nothing can ever change that and i'll still be there when u frail and i'll still be there when u are alone in the deathbed..and i'll still be there for you even after that.
this is my promise to the both of you.
thanks for bringing me into this cruel yet beautiful world.
thanks for trying to do wat's best for me-but i noe wat's best for myself.
thanks for making me your child when u have a choice not too..
and thanks for giving me my One and Only sister too share my everything with..
i thank the Lord for the strength he's given me..and the patience he's granted me.
May God bless you all..
_callous_ was here with you at
